PlayStation 5ive Announcement Shakedown

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Imagine our shock here at Consolevania Towers when the bold Mark Cerny unleashed all sorts of info about PlayStation 5 in an interview with WIRED. We were like that - “What? It’s a Tuesday!”

So here’s what we know. PlayStation 5 will:

  • Need to be plugged into a telly.

  • Have new hardware in it, instead of just all the same bits.

  • Have an eight-core Ryzen or something in its graphics thing.

  • Have a GPU based on an AMD, or an AMD based on a GPU, that means it can trace rays.

  • Be able to attach to that 8K telly you don’t own.

  • Possess 3d sound, instead of just the normal flat sound that falls into your ears vertically.

  • Come fitted with an SSD (Some Sorta Drive) instead of a hard drive, so that your boring open-world game can load in all its mindless collectables more easily.

  • Be able to still do a PSVR into it, so that you can do the PSVR thing where your eyes are another being’s eyes in a nightmarish hellscape.

  • Come out in the shops in the future, where you might not even be alive.

  • Be 500 quid, probably.

  • At least.